Unfaithful woman seeks 2nd chance by wearing sign

I wish this girl the best, but if the guy does get back with her, it's going to take a long time for him to be able to fully trust her again. Trust is like a Lego tower. It takes a long time to build it up but only takes seconds to destroy. Sorry for the analogy- my living room is currently covered with a Lego city.

Well, it's not just sex. It's trust, and respect, and mutual worldviews, and also caution in regards to all those nasty STDs floating around out there. I wouldn't want to marry someone I couldn't trust or respect.

Fair enough... I don't wanna marry anyone. So I guess my view is skewed.

I don't want to marry anyone either, actually (been there, done that, never again). I guess you can substitute "marry" for "have a relationship with." I wouldn't even be friends with someone whom I knew to be unfaithful to their partner(s).

Eh. I've had unfaithful partners. Would I get pissed over it? Sure. But I would get over it a heck of a lot quicker than anyone would ever resort to wearing signs. Might, like, urinate in their shampoo bottle or something, but I doubt I'd break up with them, if I cared very much for them.

You can't trust someone who's cheated on you: they're liars. It's not just about the sex. It's the lies. Someone who lies to you, especially about something like cheating, doesn't really care about you and doesn't deserve you.

I disagree. Well, not really. You're right that they're liars. But everybody lies in relationships. It just happens. Most of the lies we can rationalize away as "well, it's no big deal, and saying something that isn't true will make 'em feel better." I just don't see why sex is supposed to be the really big one.

There are big lies and little lies.

I tell you that your favourite shirt really isn't so bad when I actually loathe it - but I don't want to hurt your feelings. Little lie. If you find out I'm not fond of your favourite shirt, it's not going to be a big deal.

But if I tell you that I'm faithful to you while I'm sleeping with your friends - or whoever I can find - that's a big lie. Not only is it a betrayal of trust, but it's a very real knife aimed at your back. Big deal.

trust and respect, maybe.... but worldviews? It's just sex! lol

And the whole big lie little lie arguement is completely subjective.... big lies to you, might be little lies to someone else.

I do get your point, Alk. And I wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with someone who couldn't keep their pants on. But if someone screwed up one time, and apologized for it, I'm just saying that I wouldn't burn them in effigy, or anything. I'd get pissed, get over it, and move on.

I just have to say, life is too short to waste your time on someone who doesn't like you enough to be honest with you. You're a good person and I honestly believe you deserve better. Don't ever settle for second best, ZZ.

alkimija.... you're absolutely right....

...that's why I'd just rather be a swinger. LOL

It's still summer, for like 4 more hours, so it could've been this morning that she cheated.

to everyone who talks about the lies, etc. She is suffering this humiliation for telling the TRUTH about what happened. Sometimes its better to keep things a secret. You are only serving your own self interest (in a misguided way, at that) by telling your significant other of prior infidelities.

Dark Space... you have a grasp on reality some can only dream of. lol

And you're absolutely right. Sometimes the truth isn't going to help anyone when looked at through the "big picture". Which some people will still not being able to see cuz lying is bad.

When my wife and I were just still just engaged and she was living with her "brother" (adopted brother, of sorts). I always told her... if anything happens, just don't tell me. lol I know she loves me... and one little slip up of opportunity isn't gonna ruin that. What kind of crappy shallow relationship is that???

I understand fidelity is super important to some, but I place a lot on the fact that she confessed, seemingly under her own motivation. I would think that would help a lot, but it might be a good idea to give him time to come around and decide what he wants to do for sure. If that means that he wants to cool it, that is something that she is going to have to accept as a consequence to her action.

It is good that she confessed. Yes, I think that that should really make some progress towards rebuilding that trust, but that trust is still nontheless damaged.

If I slipped up, I am pretty sure my husband would EVENTUALLY forgive me. Yes, eventually. It takes time. How long ago did she confess? Maybe this should be a little lesson in patience...

Although... If she starts wearing a scarlet A on her shirts, I so want to know. LOL

I do have to confess that I have never really understood the whole "I love him/her, but I just had to sleep with ____." It doesn't make sense to me.

I just think people are fallible.... every one of them. I've made mistakes... big ones and little ones. If I couldn't accept that others made mistakes sometimes... I'd be a giant hypocrite.

True. Too true.

Had she kept her priorities in order and legs closed she would not have to humiliate herself,someone forgot to mention his humiliation so I will.

I do agree we all mess up but sleeping around on your partner is not messing up it's down right awful conduct that shouldn't be tolerated.

I seen it and I've heard it,"once a cheater,always a cheater" He should move on and find someone that is trustworthy and his current girl is not that.Why should he live with insecurity due to her actions? Oh I remember she said she was sorry.

Big Bugy~

Check out my post #10.1. I addressed lightly what you just said. I definitely understand what you are saying, and now, he will feel pressured to forgive her even if he isn't actually ready and even if he is not able to forget and reform the relationship.

I think a lot of the problem stems from people don't understand what real love is. love is a choice, not an emotion. And with that choice, comes another choice to forgive them or not. A pretty good gauge to the seriousness of the love is how much forgiveness there is.

for most people, forgiveness is subjective. The "un-forgivable sin" to one, might be something that just takes a little time to another, and vice versa.

Having said that... I'm not saying that she SHOULD ahve cheated on him (even though no one will notice THIS part of my comment)... I'm just saying let's look at the big picture here... or from a different perspective if you prefer.

If it's not an "unforgivable" sin for her, but is to him, then they need to end it now. Otherwise, they will be a miserable (or very interestingly unhealthy) couple.

truth

Hey, ruthless! Having fun with Kim? LOL

indeed I am! ;)

I can agree with a lot of your sentiments. I do know that a lot of my kiddos that are close to that age believe that if they confess and apologize that everything should be immediately forgotten and forgiven.

No, the whole public aspect of it was somewhat tasteless in that he may not have wanted their private life placcarded on her and shown for the world to know, but I do comend her on at least being honest and upfront.

True. Granted, I was married with a baby at that age (and am still married to the same man, LOL) I am definitely the exception and have expressed that to my students. I hope she definitely learns a valuable lesson concerning trust and patience.

Same for me....married at 18 to high school sweetheart, 4 girls later and 22 years...:) of marriage....He's a great husband and father...

That's great! It's been 8 going on 9 years for me, and we still only have the one. We are trying to buy a house before having another child. (If we do opt to have another one... LOL)

Sometimes I joke about having to raise both of them. He is a great husband and dad.