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Police: Drunk Pa. man tried to revive dead opossum

Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:24 PM EDT
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Associated Press
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PUNXSUTAWNEY — Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway. State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Wolfe attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Levier says the animal already had been dead a while.

The Associated Press could not locate a home telephone number for Wolfe.

© 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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DaVoH

Don't you give up on me now, possum, it isn't your time yet!!

  • 6 votes
Reply#1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:33 PM EDT
CarlZup

"LIVE! damn you!" he wailed as he bowed his head again in yet another futile attempt to get a good seal around the possum's long dead snout.

Later, when he sobered up, he admitted that he was so drunk he mistook the heap lying in the road as his mother-in-law and was motivated to perform a kind act that would put him in a better light with the old lady... He saw that his motivations were largely self-serving and vowed that if he ever found her lying in the road again he would not come to her aid.

:)

  • 5 votes
#1.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:21 PM EDT
DaVoH

What up, CarlZup!

This dude must have some killer breath, they said it had been 'long-dead'...

  • 5 votes
#1.2 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:49 PM EDT
CarlZup

Alcohol kills germs... ;)

  • 5 votes
#1.3 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:50 PM EDT
robynlewisTX.

A Wolfe giving mouth to mouth to an opossum? :}

  • 4 votes
#1.4 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:10 PM EDT
ruthlessmoose

"guys!.... he's only PLAYING dead.... hahaha, c'mon little possum.... geet uuuupp!!!"

  • 4 votes
#1.5 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 9:23 AM EDT
CarlZup

"guys!.... he's only PLAYING dead.... hahaha, c'mon little possum.... geet uuuupp!!!"

The dessicated guts frozen to the asphalt is a nice touch; adds realism. lol

  • 3 votes
#1.6 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:12 AM EDT
bellemadame1

WOW! Wrap your thoughts around the odor and disease a long dead oppossum must release. What hallucinations were dancing past the man's mind? Once again we see how the 'genie' of the 'bottle' inspires!

  • 3 votes
#1.7 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:39 AM EDT
CarlZup

WOW! Wrap your thoughts around the odor and disease a long dead oppossum must release. What hallucinations were dancing past the man's mind? Once again we see how the 'genie' of the 'bottle' inspires!

Babe, I wanna party with you. Lol

  • 2 votes
#1.8 - Wed Mar 31, 2010 1:52 AM EDT
Reply
bonos_rama

Worst case of beer goggling PA has ever seen.

:)

  • 1 vote
Reply#2 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:45 PM EDT
Philsbro

He thought it was Punxsutawney Phil out for a night on the town! 'You're gonna live to see your shadow next year!'

  • 1 vote
Reply#3 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:24 PM EDT
Peter Faden

I was gonna say something similar...great minds, aye?...........

    #3.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:25 PM EDT
    Reply
    onevoiceamongmany

    Best headline of the day.

    • 2 votes
    Reply#4 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:27 PM EDT
    Waydown1942

    Please people...show a tad of respect. Has anyone considered the deep feelings that that poor bereft man may once have shared with that particular opposum?

    • 2 votes
    Reply#5 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:46 PM EDT
    CarlZup

    For a second there I thought you meant respect for the poor dead opossum. Then my mind joined yours in the gutter. lol

    • 2 votes
    #5.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:52 PM EDT
    Reply
    HarV-789140

    Holy cow he must not have had anything left of his sinuses either! LOL

    • 3 votes
    Reply#6 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:25 PM EDT
    CarlZup

    Who? The drunk, or the roadkill?

    • 3 votes
    #6.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:53 PM EDT
    HarV-789140

    LOL! Both!

    • 1 vote
    #6.2 - Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:06 PM EDT
    Reply
    Carolyn Johansen

    An opossum does not look anything like a groundhog. Sounds to me like he was on more than alcohol. A good cook can do a lot with a freshly killed opossum. The article makes it sound like this opossum was only good for burial. If there were no skid marks--the driver probably thought the critter was a lawyer.

    • 1 vote
    Reply#7 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:09 PM EDT
    CarlZup

    If it grins like a 'possum, run it down, it might be a lawyer. :)

    • 2 votes
    #7.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:15 PM EDT
    Waydown1942

    Now I'll drink to that thought...and I don't drink.

    • 1 vote
    #7.2 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:22 PM EDT
    Reply
    Peter Faden

    Necrophilia at its drunken best!

    • 1 vote
    Reply#8 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:15 PM EDT
    CarlZup

    They didn't mention what he was drinking. Whiskey, Rum, Tequila, Vodka, or the one that makes trouble: Alabama Slammers Sloe Gin will do the trick.

    • 2 votes
    #8.1 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:38 PM EDT
    Peter Faden

    I'm confident the real question was "what wasn't he drinking?"

    • 1 vote
    #8.2 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:14 PM EDT
    robynlewisTX.

    I'm confident the real question was "what wasn't he drinking?"

    My guess would be water. :}

    • 2 votes
    #8.3 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:56 PM EDT
    Reply
    Waydown1942

    Heck! He might not have been all that drunk, just wanted to do what he could for a fellow being obviously in physical distress.

    • 1 vote
    Reply#9 - Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:46 PM EDT
    oldstreet

    The guy might have been a veteranarian that was off his meds. Sure would like to know his bac and what got him that way. Then again the possum might have looked like an old girl friend in a fur coat.

    • 2 votes
    Reply#10 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:14 AM EDT
    mrsrachelm

    The visual of what a "long dead opossum" would look and smell like coupled with the man giving it mouth to mouth is just a bit more than ....my <burp> stomach....umm....uh-oh......gotta go!

    • 3 votes
    Reply#11 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:49 AM EDT
    rustyautumn

    Your wife or girlfriend has been telling you ya might have a drinking problem. Your friends tell you you need to ease up on the booze. Your former boss said you can't come to work with alcohol on your breath. You think they're all just picking on you. Quit drinking . . . go to rehab. . .nah, not for a guy like you.

    Arrested for trying to do CPR on road kill - There's your sign!

      Reply#12 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:57 PM EDT
      Peter Faden

      You gotta practice CPR sometime...they don't just hand out the certifications you know...really just another concerned citizen...besides, there was a chance he could save it, right?

      • 1 vote
      #12.1 - Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:12 PM EDT
      rustyautumn

      Who said there are no "country boys" who are members of PETA? He and OctoMom will probably be the new poster children!

        #12.2 - Sun Mar 28, 2010 4:25 AM EDT
        Reply
        Waydown1942

        Sigh...

        Yet another man-and-his-dead-opposum misunderstanding.

        • 3 votes
        Reply#13 - Sun Mar 28, 2010 12:17 AM EDT
        Nan-813417

        He's probably going to have to move after this. People will talk!

        • 2 votes
        Reply#14 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:00 AM EDT
        DaVoH

        Yeah, poor possum. He was just lonely and needing some attention...

          #14.1 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:27 AM EDT
          CarlZup

          You can take the 'possum kisser outta Punxsutawny, but you can't take Punxsutawny outta the...

          aww... nevermind.

          • 2 votes
          #14.2 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:54 PM EDT
          Waydown1942

          Hey Carl, do you remember the great old song from "South Pacific" called, "There Ain't Nothing Like a Dame?"

          I wonder what it would sound like if you substituted "Roadkill" for "Dame."

          • 1 vote
          #14.3 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:49 PM EDT
          CarlZup

          Sailors, Seabees and Marines:
          We got sunlight on the sand,
          We got moonlight on the sea,
          We got mangoes and bananas
          You can pick right off the tree,
          We got volleyball and ping-pong
          And a lot of dandy games!
          What ain't we got?
          We ain't got 'possums!

          We get packages from home,
          We get movies, we get shows,
          We get speeches from our skipper
          And advice from Tokyo Rose,
          We get letters doused with perfume
          We get dizzy from the smell!
          What don't we get?
          You know darn well!

          We have nothin' to put on a clean white suit for
          What we need is what there ain't no substitute for...

          There is nothin' like a 'possum,
          Nothin' in the world,
          There is nothin' you can name
          That is anythin' like a 'possum!

          We feel restless, we feel blue,
          We feel lonely and in grief,
          We feel ev'ry kind of feelin',
          But the feelin' of relief
          We feel hungry as the wolf felt
          When he met Red Hiding-hood
          What don't we feel?
          We don't feel good!

          Lots of things in life are beautiful, but brother,
          There is one particular thing that is nothin' whatsoever
          In any way, shape or form like any other.

          There is nothin' like a 'possum,
          Nothin' in the world,
          There is nothin' you can name
          That is anythin' like a 'possum!

          Nothin' else was built the same,
          Nothin' in the world
          As the soft and wavy frame
          Like the silhouette of a 'possum!

          There is absolutely nothin' like a frame of a 'possum.

          So suppose that 'possum and bride
          Are completely free from flaws,
          Or as faithful as a bird dog,
          Or as kind as Santa Claus,
          It's a waste of time to worry
          Over things that they have not,
          We're thankful for the things they got!

          There is nothin' you can name
          That is anythin' like a 'possum!

          There are no books like a 'possum,
          And nothin' looks like a 'possum.
          There are no drinks like a 'possum,
          And nothin' thinks like a 'possum,
          Nothin' acts like a 'possum,
          Or attracts like a 'possum.
          There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here
          That can't be cured by pullin' him near
          A girly, womanly, female, feminine 'possum!

          Hmmm, doesn't rhyme much, but it's catchy. ")

          • 2 votes
          #14.4 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:25 PM EDT
          Reply
          CarlZup

          I couldn't use "roadkill", that might have been going too far, some of my friends are dames. :)

          • 2 votes
          Reply#15 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:45 PM EDT
          Waydown1942

          I bow to your lyrical genius, carl. LOL

          I'm getting over a bout of illness and was having one of those not so good days. But when I got up from my nap and read this...suddenly I had no choice. I had to laugh. I was forced to feel better.

          Yuh done a good thang with this one. Thank you.

          • 2 votes
          #15.1 - Mon Mar 29, 2010 11:28 PM EDT
          CarlZup

          Likewise, I haven't heard this song since high school when the drama club did "South Pacific"

          35 year old memories... nice.

          • 2 votes
          #15.2 - Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:00 AM EDT
          Reply
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