— "The Smurfs" movie his theaters Friday, and even though the little blue guys are fictional, we see some Hollywood equivalents.
Papa Smurf: Must be calm, kind, and infinitely patient even under the stress of keeping his legion of subjects out of Gargamel’s cauldron. Must be able to convince anyone to do the right thing, even if they are bigger and stronger than Smurfs, or bewitched by one of the area’s magicians.
Hollywood equivalent: Morgan Freeman. It’s no accident that he’s played God and Nelson Mandela lately, and is the narrator of choice for anyone making a documentary. Nobody has the voice of authority that he does, and he’s great at using the art of persuasion, rather than intimidation. Papa Smurf requires nothing less.
Brainy Smurf: The name says it all — he’s the smartest of the Smurfs, or at least considers himself to be. Always quick to toot his own horn when a problem arises, he’s also supremely confident in his own abilities and does not often take direction.
Hollywood equivalent: James Franco. Here’s a guy who’s not afraid to take on a challenge, whether it’s pursuing a PhD or supplementing his movie career by hosting the Academy Awards and guest-starring on “General Hospital.” He’s more intellectually curious than the stereotypical Hollywood star, and like Brainy Smurf he’s not shy about making his intelligence known.
Hefty Smurf: He’s the strongman of the group, hearkening back to a time when bodybuilding was the latest craze. You need anything lifted in the Smurf Village, he’s your guy.
Hollywood equivalent: Arnold Schwarzenegger. A classic Smurf deserves an old-school strongman, and Schwarzenegger fits the bill. Besides, Arnold probably longs for those carefree days when he was known solely for his biceps and not for his personal life. Gargamel is a wimpy foe compared to the paparazzi.
Clumsy Smurf: Always stumbling and bumbling around the forest, Clumsy’s not someone you want carrying that priceless vase. But his heart is in the right place, and he’ll always be there when you need him.
Hollywood equivalent: Will Ferrell. Who’s better at playing a character who always seems to be a step behind, only to wind up saving the day in the end? He might trip over Azrael the cat and dump the Smurfs into a stew pot, but he’ll somehow manage to get them out again.
Smurfette: This is a tricky one. The only adult female Smurf, she’s the object of all male attention, and has to project as both desirable and unattainable, plus be able to handle herself in a fight. If she’s dating anyone, it has to be a complete secret.
Hollywood equivalent: Taylor Swift. OK, she’s more known as a singer than an actress, but she’s young, blonde, reasonably good at keeping her personal life out of the tabloids, and is far from a shrinking violet. She’d excel at all Smurfy challenges, whether it’s handling dozens of little blue suitors or finding her way home from deep in the forest.