Can kids be a dealbreaker in a relationship?

spent my honeymoon in a one room log cabin so his and mine could meet and get to know each other on neutral ground...we all had a great time fishing and hiking and learning about each other...they stayed friends til the divorce and really enjoyed my marriage way more than i did....lololol...

If the parent of the children doesn't make them respect the new relationship it can be a dealbreaker. Also if the ex badmouths you and makes the kids behave badly at your house and the parent won't step in to stop it.

I would not want to get involved with someone who has young children. Been there, done that and do not wish to do it again with somebody else's kids.

My soon to be ex has three teenage boys. She detested conflict of any type and always wanted to be the cool mom. As a result, our home became a haven for underage drinking by the boys and their friends. Teenage girls spent the night in bed with her sons (they are/were all in high school!), drugs were used right under our noses, and any modest rules (such as putting your dishes in the dishwasher and picking up after yourself) were met with disdain and disrespect. She was/is more interested in being their friend than their parent, to the point that I was undermined at every turn. Dogs and cats (theirs, not mine) were allowed to urinate and defecate in the house to the point that it destroyed the carpet in the finished basement. It was clear that I lost every battle, that I was always the odd man out. She did not respect our relationship enough to discipline or correct her children when they needed it. Good riddance!

Gee, that kinda sounds familiar to me. Get a load of this. I date a correctional officer who has a son who is in jail more than he is out. My sweeite blames society for his son's ills. Even when the kid was chased home by the cops after getting busted for selling drugs on campus. Such a non emotional response from my sweetie. We will be exes very soon. Ray Charles can see it coming. He thinks that I'm a bad mother because I call my grown kids who live out of state and I send them care packages. He feels I should let them be. Even his dog has issues. She barks and growls at me when he is in the home but she is fine when he is away. Personally, I 'd like to put them all in a cage and poke them with a cattle prod.

My step kids were never an issue...ever...I love them like they're my own.

The ex-wife on the other hand could have been a deal breaker. I should have spent more time with her before I said "I do". I kid.

it can be a deal breaker. i dated a lady who was really cool but her kids were so out of control that i had to step out. it wasn't the kids' fault, she just couldn't be a parent. on one date, she just allowed them to eat candy all day and then mom had to deal with the stomach aches. duh! i believe in discipline when it comes to kids. so when i see a lack of it from someone i'm dating, its a good indicator things won't work out with us.

conversely, i am in love with a good woman who has two kids, one of which is special needs. i am so ready to settle down and live the rest of my life with her and her kids.

I am not that shelfish of a person. But the deal breaker is my soon to be ex's lack of parenting skills is the problem. He has full custody, (Mom is a crack head drunk) and gives no guidance to his daughter at all. We lived together for seven months (dated a year before moving in) and I can not take the lack of respect that she shows him and me. I am not able to tell or ask her anything. If she keeps up what she is not doing, she is failing nineth grade. He says he never volunteered for this. I say yes you did when you volunteered the sperm. My two daughters grown, college grad with great careers. Nope I am out of here before his daughter comes home pregnant and saying Daaaad!!!!

My ex has a 38 year old son and 2 grandkids that come before everything and everyone else. He and his mother have bailed the kid out his entire life and he now lives at home with Dad because his driver's license was revoked for 5 years for not paying $.25 tolls - they paid for ALL those tickets, also. They also bailed him out of jail for not paying child support because he honestly thought nothing could be done to him if he didn't pay. Anyway, I can't stand the kid and I could never figure out whether I should feel sorry for him because his father and grandmother did this to him or I didn't like him because he let them do this to him. No matter how much I loved my ex, I would always come in last. The sad thing is, when the kid gets his license back, the only way he will have anything to do with his father is when he wants him to bail him out of some other predicament. Sad, all the way around

I see acouple of problems here with guys being the full time parent, 1 they are not made for it. and 2 they have no idea how to be mom! Oh and one more they should never try to be Mom when a woman is present!

This woman should not be in this relationship. Children come first.

this woman is a complete self-centered immature child herself. knowing someone kids and expect them to put you before them is the STUPIDEST thing i've heard!!!!! "i love him but hate his kids" is B.S. if she truly loved him then she wouldn't have even asked such a stupid question. love is about compromising and working together. she knew the entire time he had children so it's not like it was a suprise, and she didn't mind as long as they weren't around their father. now if the kids are brats, out of control, etc. then i can understand not having warm fuzzy feelings for them, but to not like them because they take up the "precious" time she wants to spend with him is just plain selfish. if she doesn't understand that being a parent come before ANYTHING she shoule be sterilized, we don't need people like her breeding.

I believe alot of it depends on the age of the people dating, if you have already raised your children you probably dont want to start over raising kids. its not the kids fault at all or that there bad kids you just reach a point in life where you are past the young children.

I was in a relationship for 20 years. He had never married or had children and didn't want to. I had 4 children. He and I each lived in our own houses for the first 10 years, but he totally helped support and raise them with me. He took them camping, fishing, hunting and bought my daughter her first make up (following her around and telling her what was too dark, too red, whatever)LOL. When he finally did move in with me, it was after the kids had left. Then we got to have 10 more years together before he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer and moved out. He keeps in touch, but I feel cheated that we couldn't be together so I could give him even a portion of what he gave my family and me. I will miss him the rest of my life.

My husband has 3 GROWN children from a previous marriage. 2 of them are married. They are selfish and are only nice to me when they want something-like an expensive wedding. They talk about me behind my back and it always gets back to me. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have married him.

I would never be involved with someone with young children. It is not healthy for the children and most times ends bad. The kids have already been through enough, usually a divorce and are emotionally wrecked. I would never want to add to that. I think parents should focus on their children and raise them before they date again.

I have a daughter from a previous marriage. My current husband of 13 years accepted my then 3 year-old daughter as his own, and has been a better parent to her than my daughter's biological father. I couldn't have asked for a better person to accept my daughter and me as a package! He knew before we started dating that I had a daughter and never ever ever expected me to compromise my relationship with her! More importantly, my daughter has always come first in my life - her existence as a child from a broken marriage wasn't her fault! If my current husband would have ever shown any form of jealousy or insecurity toward my daughter, I would have sent him hiking from the beginning! I know my husband loves me - he loves my daughter and has shown me, not just told me, how much she means to him by example. He was there at night to read her stories, he taught her how to tie her shoes, ride a bike, and helped plan for her college! She is now 18, and we're planning her graduation from high school. I consider myself extremely fortunate! And I'm absolutely sure my husbnad respects me more for not tossing my daughter to the side just so he could have me all to himself.

If this woman is so selfish, jealous and insecure to attempt to accept her live-in boyfriend's kids, she needs to move on and find someone without kids. Why would she love a man that didn't love his kids? The thought of that alone would raise red flags for me!

The woman in this story needs to grow up!

Hello,

i think when we decide to fill in love(not just love) with some one merrage before ,we must thinking carefully about whats gona happend in the future ,and ask our self :is this love will produce all the lost anergy in this relation? , are we patiant as enough to take with the kids in different ages ?

Pleaes women the most important things keep your heart away for awhile and think....

i have been there and i would never put my kids through that again you have to be very sure about the man you let your children know and you must be aware of how the man treats your kids they came first not the new guy no matter what a man can distroy a childs life its not worth it, be on guard mom

man or woman all relationships are based on respect as the foundation. now as i look over the comments above both of the relations are equaly invoved if one is not move on a woman can be as distrutive to a child as a man evan more so because she set the example for the child so men beware of the woman you choose to be with for your children sake.