| Type | Comments Since You Last CheckedArticle | Source | Last Checked |  |
 |
Newsvine is msnbc.com's social-news community where you can discuss stories, publish your own column, and connect with other news lovers.
Ive caught my girlfriend "joking" she says, texting some guy she knows saying i dont know if you can handle me, and telling him she wants "it", except i never heard anything like that out of her mouth to me. Also, she regularly talks to one of her ex's, who she said she hates. He smokes/ does all sorts of drugs. She tells me the stuff she talks about with him are harmless, sometimes about our relationship. She or I do not do drugs any btw.. Is this suspicious behavior? Or should i believe her?
#41 - Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:48 PM EDTit looks like suspicious behavior yes, if you believe her you have to trust her as well. you could confront her and tell her that you dont feel comfortable with her talking about your relationship with the man she "hates" and talking about sex with another man.
playing her game with another woman sounds like an easy way to prove your point, but may lead to butting heads.
After 6 months of marriage my husband happened to b fren with a german gal having boyfren(me and her boyfren in our own respective contry) they shared beers, bed(not sex as i m told), private mails (have a common mail Id only used by two), Now I am with him with a daughter they still have talks,(in the name of academic conferences) meets, and long mails everything hidden from me but accidentally i came to know all about this, they r not going to terminate the relation instead i am told i am overreacting. I am confused. Am i and her boy fren being cheated? I love him soo much. is it one sided? Should I leave him for my mental welfare? can anyone help me out..............
#42 - Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:51 PM EDTI'm single but lately I've been talking to a guy I went to high school with. He's married and recently had his first child. He's been txting me A LOT. If I don't keep in contact often he jokes that I'm stuck up and wants me to txt him more. He also keeps telling me to visit him at work (he's a lifeguard at a pool). We went out to a bar/club one night. A few of my friends and a few of his female co-workers were there. I got pretty drunk so I don't remember much but my friends say he was hugging me from behind, giving me more drinks and getting kinda touchy. One of his friends asked him to go back to their group of friends and he didn't want to leave.
I'm a teacher will be on my first year this coming school year. He knows that and last week he asked if the school was hiring any lifeguards. What does he have in mind? Is he interested in having "something" with me? Is what's going on cheating? I'm a little confused....
#43 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 12:09 AM EDT
It sounds like your male friend is attempting to make up for some deficiencies or other such perceived "lacking of something desire," or attempting to find ways to deal with the stress of his family life. (Yes; we can all admit - having a spouce, house, job, chores, pets, children, and other responsibilities can be stressful. It's just best if spouces confide in each other and work through issues as a team, rather than letting stresses cause a fissure between them.)
His actions are out of line for a monogamous relationship with his wife. Does his wife know of the time he spends with you (texting, at the pool, or at the bar)? Does his wife know that he wants to work where you work? Does his wife even know that you exist?
If you can keep the friendship just a friendship, great. If it appears to you like it's going to lead to more flirtations and to touchingm, etc., then it's time to talk with your friend and clearly define the boundaries. You wouldn't want your (future) husband behaving this way with another woman, would you? His wife doesn't now, either.
If someone needs to hide their relationship with "a friend" from their significant other, then the secondary relationship is not healthy for the primary relationship.
It sounds like something I'd confront and/or back away from.
Best wishes in sorting out your feelings and the situation.
John
-------------------------------
The above was written with the assumption that this man and his wife wish to have a monogamous relationship - and that you, when you find the right person, also wish for this type of relationship.
If, on the other hand, his wife and you have talked and she's totally okay with everything that is going on, well...then it's a non-traditional relationship that the three of you have and you'll have to decide if it's a relationship you want to be a participant in.
While I prefer, and would recommend, a monogamous relationship, I know from the experience of living that such a relationship is not for everyone, married or not. I have at least one friend who is in a relationship where his wife packs him condoms when he goes to conventions with me, so he can be safe while he has fun with other women. Her only rule is that such relationships can't continue past that convention. She has similar sexual freedom.
To the forum, please don't bring religion or politics into these discussions. Those areas of conversation probably belong in their own sub-forums or are best taken to specialty forums.
If in fact you are confused its sounds like you are very naive, no married man should be conducting himself in that way? Think about it this way! Ok SO you meet the man of your dreams and you get married and then you find out right after you have a baby with him that he is doing exactly what your guy friend is doing with you??? SO how would that make you feel? It would suck right so yay that makes it wrong! And that makes you a homewrecker because you are the other woman the 3rd wheel! It's not a little something if your the wife or if your the kid? Ive been both the child of a cheating father and the wife of a cheating spouse! It sucks and by no means am I about to say that it's not the mens fault because it is and maybe even more...but women that put themselves in these situations and allow this behaivor are just as guilty! People have no morals these days and no respect for marriage! It's a sad thing but its true and a part of life !
my husband made contact with a woman he knew when she was 15 and he was 27, that was 36 yrs ago, the letters that I read just infuriated me. They included such things as: I realize that there is an emptiness in my life without you. or you are just as pretty as you ever were and how is everything, if you ever need anyone I am just the impartial guy you may need. This sounded like trolling to me, just seeing if someone would take the bait, this is not the first time I have caught this kind of behaviour, is this moving toward the cheating line or not
#44 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 12:28 AM EDTMy wife has recently befriended someone on facebook. They have been sharing steamy text messages and some very personal photo's which I personaly saw in her facebook and email. When confronted she flat out denied the pics were taken when they were and the "text" was just a joke, anyone who knows about digital photography knows the files are sequentialy numbered and dated. I know when they were taken and where but she just wont admit it to me and is pissed for me checking up on her, truth be told I sensed something was wrong for quite some time and what do you know I was right. She claims this is not cheating and I have no cause for concern. I am heartbroken and just cant seem to get past this.... I want to make this right and work things out but am so upset. Any suggestions?
#45 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 12:34 AM EDTMy wife of 13 years and i have a friend that is mutual, we started having marital problems a couple of months ago. After a few weeks of us not talking, she told him we were having problems. One day i noticed our friend Gary phone # on caller ID, so after a little investigating i found out our mutual friend had been calling my wife often, on her cell phone and our home phone. Not once talking to me. So after stewing for about 2 hrs, i called Gary to ask him to stop calling my wife, that our marriage problems were none of his concern, we talked for 40 min. and at the end of the conversation, he asked if we were cool, i reinterated to him were cool but dont be calling my wife and he said he was cool with that. so thinking things were cool between all of us, still having problems with our marriage another month goes by and im having lunch and my wifes phone rings, not thinking anything i look at the # and to my suprise its r old buddie Gary. He leaves a message, so i decide to listen to it, my wife and i call each other babe, on the message it said hey whats up i guess youll have to put NEW BABE or BABE 2 on ur phone so ull know its me and went on with some other babble. so i check her cell phone records and find 18 hrs of phone calls incom ing and out going! Is this cheating or does anyone else think this is a problem other than a low life friend messing around in my marriage? Would like to have alot of feed back so i will either be justified or be told im just a jealous husband? Jason In Kc
#46 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 1:16 AM EDTJason, it sounds like you had a talk with your friend Gary but not with your wife about the phone calls. So first off, talk to you wife about it and how you're feeling! Don't accuse her of cheating, just tell her that the amount of contact she has with Gary has you feeling concerned and uncomfortable. See how she reacts and then go from there. I think it definitely could be an emotional affair, especially if he's saying something about her calling him "new babe"--that's a red flag. Don't go chewing out Gary first (although he should be told that he needs to back off, that you are no longer "cool" because he's not doing what he said he'd do)...maybe he did back off and your wife reached out to him and he finally relented, you never know. Your wife may be just a smuch to blame as he is, so that's why you need to talk to her about it. You're not just a jealous husband, you're reading the signs and trying to be proactive about protecting yourself and your marriage. Good luck!
I was in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years. In April I received an email from a woman on his facebook page that evidently he had been "dating" for 6 months. She never knew about me and vice versa. The only reason we found out about each other was because of him accepting me as a friend on his facebook. They worked together. He told her I was his ex girlfriend. He had been sending her racy text messages as well as videos and nasty pictures. They would meet in the parking lot for lunch sex and he would go to see her at her house rather than coming to see me. We have since broken up, but I have now found out about 12 other women he was doing the same "sexting" with to include the videos and photos. I know of at least 5 women in that same time frame he was also intimate with. Talk about making me feel dirty. I also found out he proposed marriage to one of these women back in January 3 days after my birthday and we were still together. When we broke up he told me he loved me and that this was not what he wanted. But once a cheat always a cheat. No matter what it is not good to send other women racy photos or sex text messages and videos. When you quit communicating with your partner than it is time to move on because you have just doomed your relationship. I feel used and that I wasted so much time on this man who professed to love me and want to marry me. I am glad he is gone but my heart still hurts.
#47 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 2:49 AM EDTI had a boyfriend for 6 1/2 months that had very gray areas of behavior. Just didn't know how gray. He had an ex gf that he told me he had no relationship with and I believed him. When we first started our relationship he did have her as a "friend" on Facebook. After a couple of months and me "hinting" as to how to remove someone from Facebook as a "friend" he removed her. Recently he had been spending less time with me and contacting me less. He said it was due to work. I just had a gut feeling something wasn't right? About 2 weeks ago I looked on his cell phone and find out he had her number and just that night had sent her a tm to find out if she was "getting any loving".
He also has an employee who he says is like a "sister". Also found a tm he had sent to her asking her if she wanted him to "c_m get her". I know I don't talk to my brother like that but hay, that's just me.
That night I blew up, asked him "why"(he had no response) and even threw his cell phone at him. I broke it off that night. There are people who say I "overreacted" and others who ask..."what were you doing in a relationship with him in the first place"? He obviously only thinks of his own happiness and doesn't care much about you". I ended the relationship and now question my actions. Need some advice. Did I do the right thing?
#48 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 3:16 PM EDTI think emotional affairs are just as an sometimes more painful because you feel as if they have shared the personal part of them and TIME spent on that relationship has been stolen from yours?
#49 - Wed Jul 1, 2009 6:08 PM EDTMy wife and I are divorced, yet we are still together. We are both on Social Security Disabilty and the rules say that a married couple only gets $850.00 per month No exception. As two singles, we get $750. each.
So we got divorced, she lives with her family, me with mine. We are still together everyday, best friends. Yet she has artheritis so bad she can't have sex. Too painful! She has said to me a couple dozen times to get a girlfriend. But I refuse, to me sex without emotion is not posible. And if I did get a new friend, I would become emotionally attached and lose contact with what I have.
So I am in a delema. Stay with my best friend and masterbate. Or find someone else that won't mind some extra sack time, and then let me come back to ex. I refuse to keep secrets. they have a way of festering and boiling over.
Comments?
#50 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 6:45 AM EDTIf she really wants to let you get it, you CAN find a position that won't hurt her. Try it doggy-fashion or put her on a table and stand between her legs to get it. That shouldn't cause her any pain at all.
I'm very happily married to my soul mate, and we have a beautiful 10-month old boy together. Even though I wasn't looking for trouble, I recently had a "close call" with a woman I've collaborated musically with for the past year. She's just finished at the conservatory, and is about to go back to her home country, where she has a job as a music professor and her own wedding waiting for her; this is to say, she has a great life ahead. While we immediately hit it off as friends, had a great musical chemistry, and remained that way for over a year, the pressure of her final exams, for which we played together, made emotions on both sides escalate. The intense stress also gave her lots of health problems, and as she lives alone, I was the closest to her, the only person nearby who could offer help and support. At the same time, my wife and son left the country early, leaving me alone and with plenty of opportunities to act on what had become an intense mutual attraction.
We played several concerts together in a one-month period, as well as some out of town, which meant staying overnight at hotels (though not in the same room). Goodbyes became increasingly awkward, parting hugs became longer and closer, and the time apart became harder to bear. Finally, through sheer force of will, we were able to get through it without giving in. We recently said goodbye to each other for the last time, and she broke into tears.
Sometimes it's as if fate throws you into these situations, and you're just a pawn. Even if you have no intention of cheating or becoming attached to someone other than your spouse, temptation can snag you from behind. I think we did the best we could under the circumstances.
#51 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 8:48 AM EDTI am a guy with my best friends being a female. I have been roommates with this person for 1 years before I started dating my now wife. We use to all work together and everyone knows I see my best friend as my sister without the blood connection even my wife. A few weeks ago my friend was moving and asked if I could come over and watch some moves and crash there the first night because she hated staying in the new house alone the first night. I told (text) my wife my intentions and she ended up throwing me out of the house. She said it felt like a demand and not an option that was open for discussion. The night I told her was on a thursday night and she stayed out with her friends drinking until 1AM. I wasn't going to stay with my friend until Saturday. Instead of talking about it, I was out. Was that to be considered cheating even though I told her my plan and she knew she was my best friend? We have been having some communication problems before that but would that be such a bad thing that now she is talking divorce as well?
#52 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 9:43 AM EDTShould I leave or should I stay???
For the last 5 yrs, my wife has been in counseling to deal with her lack of sexual desire. 18 months ago, I found out that my wife met a guy on a film set - had drinks - flirted - kisses - sexual touching (which she denies, but is documented), but not not intercourse. They continued the relationship online for months reminising about what they did, exchanging sexual pics, and trying to make plans to meet again, but this time to have a hot sexual encounter. She says that this never happened and she stopped communicating with him. Recently, I found copies of email that she sent to her best friend which states, that she loves me, but never had any physical or sexual feelings for me, never liked my kisses, rarely had strong sexual feelings for other men (but some), and that this movie guy kissed better than 95% of all the guys she has ever kissed.
I love my wife, but just can't seem to get past all of this -- she says she loves me, but is still a sexless marriage.
#53 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 12:32 PM EDTEither resign yourself to a sexless marriage, or learn how to turn her on. Try roleplaying.
i got pretty wasted at a friends party a week ago and didnt necessarily end up 'hooking up' with my ex jus fooled around.. we both gave oral& i havent told me now boyfriend.. i dont know if i should because they are best friends and the next morning (his place) we both decided not to say anything but now its weird between us and we almost 'hooked up' last night but my boyfriend came home from work early so we jus acted like we were watching tv.. i jus dont want to hurt him but i feel bad.. we didnt actually hook up so its not really cheating but im afraid its gunna go there.. and soonn
#54 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 4:08 PM EDTAfter 6 months of our marriage my husband had to go out of country to persue higher stuudies and happened to be a friend with a girl (who too has boy friend in her own country) in the common subject class.they shared everything in his room( drinks, slept aside as he says they had no sex) he still has contacts with her he manage to meet her when he is in her country. they have a common mail-id through which they make contacts( i came to know about it accidentally) when i asked both of them about it they say its just freindship and not going to terminate at any cost and i am overreacting for it. i feel emotionally cheated as he shares all our family matters(like birth of baby, my status, his emotions towards XYZ.....) she too share her schedules and and feelings and blah blah............Tell me anyone what is this how should I act for it? m i over reacting or m i really being cheated by them, what shoul i do? be in relation or move out for my mental peace?
#55 - Thu Jul 2, 2009 11:04 PM EDTBoth elementary school teachers, both married, both living in Hell on earth at home. It was love at first sight and has only gotten stronger. Listen to your HEART. People can mess with your head.
#56 - Mon Jul 6, 2009 6:34 PM EDTI went out with a group of friends I shared a study abroad program with and one of the guys was a boy I had kissed and spent the night with toward the end of our trip even though nothing more than kissing took place. I hadn't thought about it in almost 15 years. He texted me after I left and we ended up texting until 4.30 am and the following day we emailed all day and texted for 2 hrs in the middle of the night. He asked me to come to his apt so he could read his journal from our trip to me and said we had both missed out on something that would have been good all those years ago. I was so tempted to go, but couldn't leave my 4 kids and husband alone in the middle of the night. I would have gone if I were single though. The texts were very sexually charged and I even said to him that maybe one day we would find out how good because I do want to leave my husband who I am in a very unhappy marriage with. I have been edging towards leaving for a very long time but I feel like it was still wrong because my decision to leave can't be based on the "grass being greener". I feel like I would never share the texts with my husband so that alone makes it cheating. I am going out with him and the others again this weekend while one of them is here from very far away. I am 99% certain I would never let it go beyond talk....but I feel badly anyway because if my husband would stop his behaviors I would work through our marriage issues.
#57 - Mon Jul 6, 2009 10:50 PM EDTBeen divorced for a few years. But while I was still married I had a "thing" for 1 of her best friends. She wasn't as physically attractive as my wife, but there was something about her that I liked.
We fooled around a few times, but never had intercourse. Yea, in hind sight I cheated on my wife.
Here's the part I can't figure out. Since my divorce was finalized I've had no desire to contact her friend (who is still single) and lives a short distance away from me.
Oh well, life goes on!
#58 - Tue Jul 7, 2009 2:31 AM EDTAs long as we are alive we will, from time to time, come across people we are attracted to. Its how we act upon it.
#59 - Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:24 AM EDTI wrote a piano song with no words about a half a year ago and put it on you-tube with a dedication to the girlfriend I had at that time, after a while I broke up with her, I then met another girl who is my girlfriend now, and I thought I had taken the dedication off, but it didn't work and when my current girlfriend saw the video it was still there, and she thought I was cheating, it blew over luckily.
#60 - Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:10 AM EDTYou're in Easy Mode. If you prefer, you can use XHTML Mode instead. |
Log In | Register
We chat almost every night online We know that the stuff we have shared almost always crosses into romantic dialogue.But we have never met.