Is it ever OK to date a married man?

I'm sorry for the 23-year old that feels this way. She is in for a world of hurt and there's no way to convince her otherwise. The husband involved has serious issues with intimacy and commitment. We can only hope that at some point they become enlightened. If the wife ever learns of his behavior, our hearts will understand the pain of betrayal that no women or man should ever have to endure, but sadly it happens often. In the end, affairs cause untold pain and anguish on someone involved. A day doesn't go by that my husband and I don't deal with his infidelity in some way or another. He is ashamed and I am so disappointed. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I would never say it was a good thing. There are many ways to strengthen your marriage and this is not the way. But if it should happen to you, with a lot of effort, you can survive with a marriage that is strong and something no affair could destroy in the future..... or at least you think for the time being.

I had an affair with my estranged husband's best friend. I know it's wrong to do but we were sexually attractive to each other. It only lasted a few months until he decieded to move on to another woman. Wonder how long that relationship is going to last. Hope he crash and burns with this one.

At least the majority of people here think "cheating" is wrong. If the man were to leave his wife and marry the now mistress why does she think he will be faithful to her. If he cheated WITH you, he cheat ON you. He has shown that he is a BIG JERK! This young lady should stop being so lazy and find her OWN man. He was just low hanging fruit!!! Why would you want someone's husband? How she feel if her husband was a cheater? I am single and I don't want to share a man with anybody! (especially if I know about it)

This is never good. I've been through this same thing. I was the dumpee not the dumper. My x got involved in a man that was already married. Him and his wife believed in an "open marriage". This is not only not right in society but in the churches eyes either morally. We were married for 33 years and she just thought she needed to do this I guess. Her mom and sisters did not like it at all. At lest our boys were old enough to know what was going on. But no matter how old they are, this kind of thing hurts kids. But as we know....life goes on.

The writer thinks her "soul mate" is helping her deal with fears of intimacy.  But she's chosen a love interest who is not available. That's not dealing with a fear of intimacy. That's hiding.

I have children her age. She's very young to be hitching her wagon to this guy. And there is no excuse for him at all.  Even in an open marriage bringing your love to your marriage bed? YUCK!  Spring for a hotel.  And date someone with a little more life experience. 

I was that 23 year old when I was 24. The exact same situation except he was 46 and a hot lawyer. Though I, unlike her, didn't give in because I'm smarter and can control myself. She'll be stained by that shame all her life boohoohoo, that kind of girl will never get any pity from me. Now only a year later I met the man of my dreams and I thank God every day I didn't give in when I was most tempted.

First off, this story is rather pathetic. I cannot even believe someone thought this was publishable quality. When I saw intense, tension, and intense again in the first few paragraphs, I cringed. Then there was the Twilight reference. Unless this author is 13, she should not find that romantic. It just goes to show that this 45 year old man is an emotional child and so is she. I can't even believe stories like this are published.

It is always wrong! Marriage is a covenant a bond and when you enter into a relationship that breaks a bond you are really offending your God. Can anyone think there could be a future from such a relationship? What in the world would make anyone think that they are so special to that the Man or Woman? If you are a women why would you cause such pain to another sister, and not to mention the children. How do you look at yourself in the mirror and justify what you have done? Any person of value who was involved in a poor marriage would pray, seek counseling, ask for God's intervention, try what they could to make things right! I believe that if you have to justify what you are doing then you yourself know that it isn't right! You say that life is more complicated than that?--Wrong again.

Will they ever love you more? Ask yourself that question. When you are at heavens gate and you are asked to give an accounting of your life and your actions what will your reply be? Life is short, eternity is forever. Poor character does not improve by someone special, wishful thinking or everyone makes mistakes thinking. Harsh, but true!

I'm not proud to say this, but I am currently the "other" woman. I started seeing "Bob" four years ago, but had no idea he was married. We saw each other for 15 months before I found out he was married. Yes, looking back now there were signs that he was married; we only went out on weekdays, never called me on the phone, evasive to specific questions I asked him. His job brought him to my place of employment, so phone calls weren't necessary. But I finally confronted him when my suspicions grew too great...I didn't get the answer I was hoping for. He admitted, tearfully, that he was married. By then I cared a GREAT deal for him, but I broke things off anyway. During that time in my life I was 44 yrs old, divorced, mother of two teenage boys, mother at home phyically and mentally failing, my ex-husband left without a trace and never help support his kids....my self esteem was at an all time LOW. So, when "Bob" kept coming by I found it harder and harder to resist the chemistry and peace I found with him. I tried for months to resist him...morally and ethically it's wrong..but my soul was in disrepair and I was lonely and he filled that void...a void that I thought would go unfulfilled forever; this was my mental state. We started seeing each other again. The relationship is not what I want it to be, I'm left wanting much more and my soul has not been fulfilled by the love of a man that is completely mine. Do I regret my decision to take him back? YES. Do I wish I had the strength to leave and never look back? YES. But sometimes in life, due to insecurities, abuse, self worth, depression etc...the choice to leave isn't that easy to make. Is every woman who has a relationship with a married man a "slut"? NO. There are circumstances to every situation. I only speak for myself when I say that I love this man and would never do anything to hurt his wife. But I realize the one whose getting hurt is me. I pray that I find the strength to do what is right and can one day find someone who is worthy of what good and wonderful things I have to offer. Women have an uphill battle when trying to find a good and decent man. We are made to feel that if we're not a size 2, blond, toned and tan then we have no worth and men, unfortunately, feed into that sentiment and over look some great women out there. I am very attractive, smart, average size woman (not a size 2) looking to find a good man, but they're too busy chasing after the young "hot bodies" to notice sexy women like me.

Hindsight is 20/20...what I've done is wrong and I'll live with that knowledge for the rest of my life. But to all that judge to quickly...He who is without sin, cast the first stone.

I dont believe it's ever ok to cheat, Dont do to others what you would not want done to you! We cant judge only god can! Being a child of a cheating father and recently a wife of a husband that had an emotional affiar I can truelly say tht it hurts EVERYONE!

Marriage is not an easy institution, period, plain and simple. I have been married 11 years and have children. My husband decided we have nothing in common and moved out. I figured there was someone else and I was right. He of course denies it, "they are friends, good friends" he says. My problem with HER is this....she knows he is married because we have met, she knows he has children because she has seen my children and she has NO children of her own, but she still pursued him. I blame him because when times were tough instead of trying to work things out he decided to go to a greener pasture to have his back scratched. The funny thing is...this is a second marriage for both of us...so why would this relationship be long lasting his other two have not been successful. I am quite happy to be rid of this poison because I am much happier ALONE!!!!

If he is not divorced yet then obviosuly not enough time has gone by for him to move past his marriage. Why would you want to be involved with a married man even if he was seperated? Failing at a marriage can happen for many reasons and it may not be his fault but if he is not divorced then you should just let it go. There are other fish in the sea, single ones! Where are morals nowadays?

i just adore how the author "used" to see marriage as a romantic ideal surrounded by love but now she's so enlighted to see that marriage is really a "selfish commitment" designed to let someone know hersself better, essentially using the other person for these means.

two strikes, care to take a 3rd shot?!

its neither. it CAN serve as both. but anyone who can see the world in these extremes being "so wrong" but now "so right" in this tiny span of time, particularly regarding something like adult relationships, which she's only old enough to barely understand, needs to LIVE more.

ps- if i were having sex with someone who was quoting TWILIGHT in their 40s i would probably laugh in their face and then quickly vomit and shower in scalding hot water for allowing myself to bang such a loser!

Reading this I thought I must have written it a few years ago. I felt the same way while having an affair with my married boss. But thankfully our careers took us to seperate towns after more than a year and a half of the love affair and I moved on. Looking back now, I know that I was young with little experience with men and that he took advatage of the situation. Did it teach me alot about life, men and myself? Yes. I would never want to do that again. But then again, I have more self esteem now. I am newly married to a husband who truly loves me and is not just using me like the married man did several years ago. I hope this woman gets out because she will never be rid of the underlying shame until she does. And with some distance she will see that while he may have showed a young woman what intimacy can be like, he is not showing her true love. She can find it without the shame and hate and it will indeed be true love then.

I have always believed that no one should date someone who is married - period - end of discussion, but ironically enough found the man of my dreams three months before my divorce from a 20 year marriage was final and four months before his was. We have been happily married for 10 years. It wasn't lust, a rebound or any number of cliches that are oftened used to discribe our situation. I still believe that people who are married shouldn't date until they aren't married....but I now understand that it takes more than a piece of paper to be married.

A marriage is too important to throw away with an affair, and extremely hard to save after an affair. It can be done, but it takes many years, and a lot of work...

Wow! quite a hot subject! I believe that man was not naturally created to be only with one woman. At some point in time, society imposed it on man. Because, why is it an eternal issue? why are men continuously fighting with that desire? why are powerful men like Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, the King of England, and countless more, ready to lose every thing for another woman. And it's the same problem all over the planet! It was acceptable, IN THE EYES OF GOD HIMSELF, for King David, or Samson or Abraham to have many wives, until they had their eyes on one that was forbidden, either because she is married herself or for some other reason. Men are created this way, but they are forced to go underground or lie, because of society.

To the 23-year-old mistress: He's lying to you. He will continue to lie to you. He told you that his current marriage isn't working because his wife does not want children. Then he said that they had an open marriage. I'll bet you anything the wife would be surprised to hear those two little gems. Tell you what. Test him. Tell him you're pregnant. Then you'll see what kind of "soul mate" he is: Gone so fast that all you'll see is a vapor trail.

I am currently in a relationship with a married man (over a year), and before him I was in a relationship with a married man for 7 1/2 years. Most of you passing judgment on us "other women" have misconceptions about us that I will briefly attempt to clear up:

1) Myth: Mistresses just want a "sugar daddy." FACT: I am a college-educated woman who is set financially. I own my own home and I have a very good job. I am not with him for what he can "do for me" because he does nothing for me financially that I cannot do for myself. The bills, etc. that I have I would have whether he was with me or not. His money is irrelevant. This holds true for most of the "other women" out there as well.

2) Myth: Mistresses have self-esteem issues. FACT: I do not have any self-esteem issues. I am well aware that the man I am seeing is married. I hold no illusions of grandeur where he is concerned. In other words, I am not stupid. I do not ask for any information concerning his living conditions at home with his wife, for they are none of my business. When he is with me, it is about me and only me. I am also aware of the adage that, "if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you." It's a fact of life, and I accept it. Information given to me by him is volunteered, not asked for. And yes before you say it, I know there are two sides to every story. Who's to say that her side is the truth when no one is around to see them interact with each other?

I believe that all men either have cheated or would cheat if the conditions were right. Unfortunately it too is a fact of life. Since I am privy to information that most people are not, I feel that I can offer a bit of advice to people (not just women, because women cheat on their men too) that are in a "committed" relationship (and I use that term loosely), and that advice is to always treat the other person like they are trying to convince them that they made the right choice. My motto is "If you want to keep them at home, stop showing them the door."

let him or her who is without guilt of doing or even ever flirting cos its all part of it ,throw d 1st stone....