Is it ever OK to date a married man?

If there is an undeniable connection, then have enough respect for the person you married to LEAVE them before you indulge the temptation to be with the other person. At the very least, you have been honest and have refrained from the utter humiliation one feels when betrayed by the person they trust most. If you are so convinced someone who is already married would make a great life partner, make them prove it by leaving their current partner in an honest and respectful manner.

The so called "connection" people feel is a bunch of garbage. People are letting their physical desires, lust, overwhelm their actual love, which is not a warm fuzzy feeling people commonly believe you get. Actual love or a true "connection is when you look at someone and you realize that you'd never ask them or make them do anything that would compromise there core values. Which is unfortunate but that's exactly what he has done and she fell for.

The fact this question is even asked shows the state of our country and how our society views the intimate vows exchanged between two people when they commit themselves in marriage. No wonder why the divorce rate in this country is 50%!!! It's pathetic. I was dating my no ex-wife for six years before we got married then 3 years into our marriage she had an affair with her boss who was also married but no kids. Before the affair we had a son and this experience has been one of the most stressful experiences I've ever been through. The breakup of a family and losing 50% of my son the rest of my life is a hard pill to swallow. I suggest to anyone thinking that dating a married person is "OK" take a close look at themselves in the mirror and understand who they are, why they are so selfish and what's motivating them to pursue the damage it will cause to many people. We are fortunate to be good co-parents but her dishonesty, betrayal and her selfishnish will take time for me to heal from. Sadly, she isn't the person I have spent so much time with and thought I knew and I will never look at her the same again. All I can do is be the best dad I can to my son, raise him to have integrity, honesty a strong faith and to only trust that my ex-wife will not bring someone into her life and my son's life who lacks these traits becuase only more damage will occur. So to answer the question, no it's not right to date a married person. Have the courage to stand up, fix the problems or end the marriage and divorce if you're too tempted to maintain an ongoing affair.

It is always wrong, Always. Can anyone think there could be a future from such a relationship--Really, What in the world would make anyone think that they are so special that the Man or Woman  involved would not in turn cheat on them as well. Any person of value who was involved in a poor marriage would end such a relationship Before looking elsewhere.You say that life is more complicated than that?--Wrong again.

Poor character will not improve by someone special, wishful thinking or everyone makes mistakes thinking. Harsh, True--but truthful

One thing this author doesn't say is how she's going to feel when she is the wife and he moves on to another young woman (when the author is in her 40's) because he's decided that he is bored with said kids!  JUST DESSERTS! 

We alow, and find perfectly acceptable, our spouses to have old good friends, to have strong, powerful spiritual bonds with other people, in other words our society finds normal and acceptable to share our spirit and mind with someone else than our spouses, but when it is about physicality, when it is about sex and having a sexual bond with someone who is not your spouse, we all suddenly shudder in disgust (or hipocrisy!?) and burn the sinner at the stake....What lasts longer, I wonder, what makes a relationship genuine ? I have been married for some years and I dearly love my husband and still ....would I leave him if he slept with another woman? Certainly not! Would I rather have him longing for her, whispering her name in his sleep and alienating himself? Certainly not! It is sex after all, people ...a very pleasurable sport ...enjoy it and keep your spirits free, do not allow your life to be led by a bit of progesterone and excessive spermatogenesis ... smile and cherish your body as you cherish your spirit ...that will make him/her want you today and always :)

I agree with pdclinton, there is no future with a person who cheats on his or her spouse. If you get involved with someone who is married there is nothing good that can come of this relationship. For one, that person has already shown you that he or she is capable of being dishonest and unfaithful. What do you think that your relationship with that person is going to be like. Do you honestly believe that they won't do the same thing to you. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! If that person really wanted to be with you then they would of DIVORCED their spouse in a heart beat. I just think it's sad that married people now a days refuse to put in the hard work to make their marriage work. I have been married for some time now and know that it is definitely NOT a walk in the park. As for the person who is thinking of getting envolved with a married man or woman...good luck because you heading into a train wreck.

I guess I will never understand why men find it so difficult being committed to just ONE woman! Granted there are lots of pretty women out there, just like there are lots good looking men.

Quite honestly, I believe its something our Society INVENTED, and says its OK ... FOR MEN that is; let a woman cheat on her man, then she becomes a slut, and she's not to be forgiven! This infidelity had been going on since the beginning of time, if what's portrayed in our movies & past history books suggest, and it looks like its here to stay!

Why some women stay married, more than likely, she doesn't care, and HAPPY her man has someone for the sex; or for financial security. We're living in strange times, and I must be from outer space because I could NEVER tolerate such an arrangement!

For women to ACCEPT sloppy 2nd's is just amazing, then they wonder why some men think so little of other women, believing, WE'RE ALL ALIKE! It's gotten so bad that now we are aware that older women are having sex with younger men, the young men are acting like the older men, and APPROACHING older women, and most of these young men could be my SONS; I find it VERY uncomfortable, offensive, and NOT AT ALL FLATTERING!

Most older men NEVER GROW UP, who wants to interact with a younger version, KNOWING this fact!

Women need to STOP being so DESPERATE, HARD-UP and NEEDY! These type of women are giving decent women a bad wrap!

I am not the sort of woman that would not resort to violence against all parties involved. And I know a lot of women who feel the same way. Disrespect will only go so far and then someone will be getting their butt kicked up and down main street. Be warned. If it's MY HUSBAND...THOU SHALL BE GETTING THOU AZZ KICKED. And then? You can have him. But he will be a WHOLE.LOT.POORER. Cuz I'm calling in the big guns. I am NOT changing my lifestyle because he lost his dang mind. That is all.

That is all.

www.MonicaMingo.com

Part of growing up is realizing that you're not special. The same rules applied to other people apply to you too:

1) Someone who cheats WITH you, will eventually cheat ON you. No exceptions. You are not special.

2)If you want a faithful spouse, you better not let another person to be unfaithful to his/her spouse, with you. You're not special.

3)A liar is a liar is a liar. Who told you it's his wife's fault? Him? And you take him at his word because......? He's lying to you too. You're not special.

4)A person who blames other people for his behavior will eventually blame you for it. You're not special.

5)No-one is 'helpless' in the face of anyone else's charm. You CHOSE to engage in behavior you know is wrong. You're not special.

6)Everyone gets tempted, sooner or later. An adult deals with the temptation and keeps his/her wedding vows. A selfish jerk breaks them, or else break's someone else's. You're not special.

7)No-one promises fidelity because it's always easy, one promises fidelity knowing that it will, sometimes, be difficult. One does not promise to continue to breathe. If a person does not make the effort to rise above that temptation that person will lack self control in other areas as well. That goes for the two of you. You're not special.

8)Cheating is a coward's solution. An adult faces his/her problems and works on them, or accepts the fact that the solution is to end the marriage, however 'difficult', 'expensive' or inconvenient it may be. Cheating is nothing more than a way to avoid dealing with the difficult issues of adulthood.

9)Sure everything is great and the sex is fabulous. You have no other commitments to interfere. The thing is, sooner or later, you have to get out of bed.

Let's be clear on one thing...."Open Marriage" is code for: What she doesn't know won't hurt her!. I think that cheating within a marriage is more common then anyone would like to think. It used to be that it was looked down on in society, now it's as common place as a ham and cheese sandwich; when preachers and government officials are no longer held to task over such indiscretions the average person will have no qualms either. Young women that are involved with married men fail to realize that they are a disposable commodity. All they are doing is helping alive the wife of what is perceived of as "The wifely duty", the husbands have no intention of leaving the wife or family. The old adage that it's cheaper to keep her is true, what the girlfriend also fails to realize is that they are not getting the prize that they think they are. They are getting the booby prize; sure they are getting the trinkets and trips but should he actually leave his wife for her, she will be on the receiving end of what his former wife endured. She will then have to take consulation in the fact that what goes around comes around.

Wow, author is such a hoe. Nothin' else to say about her, no matter how she tries to sugar coat it.

Are you sure the wife knows they have an 'open' marriage?

I met a great girl at a friends wedding recently.  Her sister was getting married and she was the maid of honor...funny.  We hit it off, she explained she was the mistress with a married guy.  I tried not to be judgemental, but she was off my list of potential mates right off the bat for her infidelities.  Although she was hot and the perfect age for me, (I'm 41, she's 29)  I want to start a family, (women my age have baggage,) but she's out of consideration for me.  Too bad, I'm godfather to her nephew and a good friend of the family.  She has decided to go down a path I cannot and will not follow.  Another one bites the dust

Oh honey, run. Just RUN. I dated/slept with/loved/lived with a fully married man for almost 5 years. He pursued me - he wasn't on my radar screen at all. Even if he had been my type at first, he was very married. I even met his wife right off the bat.

It most definitely will NOT be roses and puppies if you end up with this guy in the end. Why? He's a philanderer. He pursued you upon first meeting you - impetuously, stupidly, and without respect for his wife. I can tell you this - after 5 years with a guy who everyone thought was the NICEST GUY imaginable - he's pumping you full of lies. The "open" marriage? Probably only on his end. The "miserable" marriage? Not miserable enough for him to leave his wife. The burning desire for kids on his part? She probably wants them, too, but he's been holding off... or maybe he/she is infertile.

I held on for nearly five years. Through thousands and thousands of emails, promises made and continually broken, a child I didn't know at all (his) getting older year by year. If his marriage was so miserable, why didn't he leave? A zillion excuses. If he wanted me to meet his family, why hadn't I after 5 years? A million more.

In the end, what you'll end up with is either (1) your life without this man, which will be enormously freeing - you can finally have the full-on love relationship that you deserve (trust me!), or (2) this man, who is an untrustworthy snake and will cheat on you as sure as the sun rises in the morning.

I fully, FULLY regret not telling the ass**** I was with to stick it the first time he contacted me via email. I regret not telling him he was a scumbag and forwarding the email to his wife. Then again, she was his mistress during his FIRST marriage; I was his mistress during his second. But what I regret most is that I tortured myself, lost friends, money, jobs, happiness, sleep, and all self-confidence for FIVE YEARS. Five minutes is too long to be with a man who doesn't treat you - or his wife - with love and respect.

RUN.

I would add that I also moved twice for this person, bought a house so we could live in it and raise children together (ha), went to therapy for nearly 2 years with him (and 4+ because of him). Am I ashamed of what I did, and sorry for it? Absolutely, yes. Am I a stupid "hoe" (I think the abbreviation you're looking for is "ho")? No.

From our first email exchange, I said Iwas not interested in ANY relationship with a married man. The first promise was that he'd be separated and filing for divorce within a month. Then a month turned into 6. Then it was "before we live together." Then....

I understand this woman's attraction to the guy. Being pursued - emotionally and physically - by someone you find attractive is extremely powerful, especially when you're lonely, sad, or have other voids in your life. This man is a predator, as was the guy I was with. He was also a borderline sociopath who truly saw nothing inherently wrong with cheating, since he wasn't fulfilled at home. I was his second (known) mistress - something I found out only after we'd been seeing each other for a while.

Anyway, I wasted SO much time trying to make this work. It can't work. The jackass is married. He's not committed to you, he won't commit to you, and even if he does, you really won't want him. Do you want a lifetime of looking over your shoulder for the next hotter woman who he's shagging? Do you want to start a life with someone you can't trust?

Married sex is the best! You KNOW that person is committed to you, is the father of your child, when you are alone, it's only you two, not all his or your current lovers, more than one in an emotional bed is crowded. A committed relationship is holy, binding, and sexy. I love my husband and I love that I know he'd never cheat on me with someone who lacks moral values. I love everythign that we've been through together and how much more we'll face together in the future, now that is sexy!

I believe that the woman-let's call her Gale-in this article has a couple of issues to sort out or questions to ask herself:

1. Does Gale actually believe it when a man that she is having a CONTINUING (NOT a one night stand) adulterous affair with says he is telling the truth-ANY truth?? Remember Bill Clinton and his televised "I did not have sex with that woman..." statement? The only people that believed him were the people that needed or wanted to. Gale, obviously you want to believe "Jerome", but do you NEED to? Got any idea how many good, honorable men that are out there looking for a smart, educated, sexual woman to have a good relationship with that could actually bloom and mature?

2. How many other women do you think has Jerome had in the past-while married-BEFORE you?

3. How many "one nighters" has Jerome had while he has been "DOING" you? None? HOW DO YOU KNOW?

Gale, the basis of your relationship is one of dishonesty. I'm trying to make my points on a PRACTICAL basis. I had once fallen in love with a married woman that I was sure was divorcing her husband, and for a lot of good reasons. The bottom line was that she decided to stay with him, and it broke my heart. We only have a limited supply of that Hope and Promise in our hearts, and I believe that you are wasting so much of your portion of that on a man that you know will never honor the vows that he makes. Beautiful, please protect yourself from that.

Wow, I guess I am in the minority here. I am the other woman and have been for almost 27 years. I can't imagine life with out my soulmate. Would I marry him if he left his family? No. I am married and have no intention of leaving my husband. I met my soulmate when I was 18 and went after him knowing he was married. It was just supposed to be a fun fling, but turned into something much deeper. We can't quit each other, it's like 2 magnets drawn together, a force unbreakable. Neither of us expected to fall for the other. We know things about each other our spouses never will, there are no secrets between us. It is comforting to be able to be ourselves with each other instead of trying to be something we're not. I just found him again after a few years of losing touch and the meeting was complete fireworks! Just like old times. I know he has had others and so have I. But what we have is so deep and spiritual it's uncanny. I do not have a problem sharing him, even if he wants a fling with someone else. I know who has his heart, me. I know who he always comes back to, me. No other man has ever made me feel this way and never will. There is no substitute for your soulmate.

The guy pursued her upon their first meeting.  He is in it for the sex with a hot, young girl.

He will never leave his wife.  This is the oldest line in the play book.  If were to divorice he would have done it already.  He is just playing with the author of the article.   All married guys who want a lover on the side all say the same things.   "Unhappy with the wife but stay together because of ______, but will get a divorice upon (a condition that never materializes but is always just around the corner)."

She will get played for the coming years, waiting for him. But he will never fully arrive.  Then she'll realize she lost much of her life to this while the rest of her peers have moved on.

Notaprude~apparently I am, as I think professing what you have is spriritual and deep, while admitting that you both have cheated on each other NUMEROUS times makes me so sad for you. How you & he can cheat on one another repeatedly and still claim to to "soulmates" is laughable at best. I think your definition of soulmates is quite different than most. I'd rather be a "prude" and have respect for myself and my husband than go thru life deluding myself.