
#1. They take several tries to stand up straight.
#2. The day they stop drinking is the day they die.
#3. The more you give them, the more they stand out to everyone else.
#4. It takes a long time to throw them out.
#5. They need support to keep standing.
Bright Lights, Ditto City | NBC ChicagoSource: NBC
Dave Nosek's neighbor always has an outstanding holiday lights display: white bulbs dangling from the gutters, blue bulbs circling the windows, trees completely wrapped in multi-colored lighting.
"Every year his gets bigger and bigger," Nosek, 40, says.

From an e-mail I received from a friend. Very funny. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Fox is the worlds most mischievous media outlet. Those that love it grin at those who don't for getting their little uptight noses bent. Those who hate it? Well sarcasm's all they have and sarcasm depends entirely on someone giving a @!$%#.

First off I'd like to say that I normally don't write book reviews.

Pranks are funny because it is a setup to watch another person get tricked into a bad situation. Some people are good sports, and some are not. I'd like to hear about the pranks that you have done to other people you know, and how they reacted to it. Funny jokes are also welcome.
How Twilight Works Source: theoatmeal.com
A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston.
Let's not forget the funny side of apartheidSource: IOL
Jacob Dlamini recently launched his book, Native Nostalgia (Jacana), which recalls how some black South Africans remember their lives under apartheid "with fondness".
The 50 Best Protest Signs of 2009Source: Buzz Feed
We saw some really great protest signs in 2009. Thanks to our President for being a socialist, gay people for being gay, and Kanye West for interrupting Taylor Swift. America, I applaud your creativity. Here's to you!
(See article for pics of some great signs.)

Law enforcement officers have an awful time trying to keep the peace and meet the needs of the public, and they can't do that without a lot of help behind the scenes. I've been youtubing tonight, and these are just a few of the eye-popping short clips of 911 calls I found.

A winter statistic:
98% OF AMERICANS SCREAM BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM COLORADO AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY SODA AND WATCH THIS".
NOW You're from Colorado if:
1. You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
Jesus Christ Dumped from Jury Pool for DisruptionSource: Yahoo! News
Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn't live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones's courtroom for a criminal case Monday.
Most Awesomely Bad Military AcronymsSource: Wired News
"It's the most wonderful time of the year. Not because of some lame holiday. Because it's time again for our Most Awesomely bad Military Acronyms (MAMAs).
7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the HospitalSource: CRACKED.com
You've walked innocently past issues of Cosmopolitan magazine a thousand times, every time you've checked out at a grocery store. If you glanced at the covers then you know it's all about sex, and helping girls bring out the sexual animal in their man.
Cat Care | Cracked.comSource: CRACKED.com
Owning a cat is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Here are some practical tips on how to go about it.
4 Facebook Awkward MomentsSource: penn-olson.com
Bet many of you have seen them but for those who have not, read on!
They are awfully hilarious.
Carl Ballantine: The World's Greatest Magician, Dies at 92Source: The New York Times
Carl Ballantine, an inveterate quipmeister whose stand-up comedy persona, an incompetent magician known as the Amazing Ballantine or Ballantine the Great, predated and influenced the antic characters of Steve Martin and others, died on Nov. 3 at his home in Hollywood. He was 92.
The 100 Funniest Political Pictures of the DecadeSource: About.com Political Humor
View a gallery of the decade's best Photoshop parodies, captioned pictures, and funny political moments caught on camera, from the 2000 Florida recount to the era of George W.