— Colin Farrell
What is it about otherwise handsome A-listers who endeavor to look smelly? It’s as though the effort it takes to look good on film is such a burden, they just give up in their off time. Take Colin Farrell. The greasy locks, the poorly groomed beard, the rumpled clothes — he sets the bar for stinky-chic awfully high. Colin’s infinite pack-a-day smoking habit — seriously, he’s always smoking a cigarette — only adds to the list of malodorous evidence. And it’s not like he’s always looked like a stink bomb. Just a few years back Colin sported the standard freshly showered look we all know and love, but it seems like the more successful he gets, the grimier he looks.
It’s not hard to build the stinky case for Matthew McConaughey. The unkempt hair and beach bum lifestyle hardly rank a mention when the man himself admits he eschews deodorant. He wouldn’t even break the ban when his “Fool’s Gold” co-star, Kate Hudson, complained about his body odor. “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, ‘Would you please put this on?’” But her efforts were in vain. “I just never wore it. No cologne, no deodorant.” In fact, Matthew defends himself by insisting no other co-stars ever mentioned it. (Note to Matthew: Sometimes when you reek of B.O., people try to be nice by not telling you that you reek of B.O. This does not mean that you don’t reek of B.O. Just FYI.)
It must be hard being the most desirable man in the world. Maybe that’s why Johnny Depp hides behind cartoonishly awful ensembles, like his ill-fitting pants, the grungy fedoras and those plucked-fresh-from-the-dumpster shoes. I can’t tell you how many times my best gal pal and I have sighed at the sight of Johnny only to add, “too bad he probably smells like cigarettes and dirty clothes.” We won’t ever get close enough to find out, but still! And not to belabor the cigarette thing, but Johnny smokes hand-rolled sticks exclusively. So all that foul gunk that normally ends up in a filter? It coats his hands and teeth instead.
A virtual chameleon of the grubby vibe, Jared Leto’s not content to rock just one dirty look. Hipster grossout? Check. Unwashed hippy dude? Check. Icky emo? You know it! Jared even went through a dingy spray-on tan phase à la LiLo. On occasion, he cleans up his act, but that doesn’t discount the greater trend towards trashy. And it’s not just the perpetually stringy hair or days worth of eyeliner that gives the not-so-fresh tip off, it’s the whole unwashed package. Oh, well, it’s not like any of it is holding Jared back. Every twenty-something it-girl in Hollywood happily dates him regardless of what he smells like.
What happened to fresh-faced Orlando Bloom circa 2003? Remember that clean-cut cutie at the “Lord of the Rings” premieres? Sigh. Seems like a greasy haired doppelganger took his place ages ago. Maybe after three “Pirates of the Caribbean” installments the poor hygiene pirate’s life actually took hold. Whatever it is, it’s not a good look for him. Orlando’s girlfriend reportedly thinks so, too. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer.” And if that wasn’t specific enough, “Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.” Ew!